i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
