I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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