FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
