weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
