I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
