I seem to have left my pride at pride
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
