Pants 0. Shit 1.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
