I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
