dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
