What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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