I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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