Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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