He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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