ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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