i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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