dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
