He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
