What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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