I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
