girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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