Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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