I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
