Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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