i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
