Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
