I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
