false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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