I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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