Are we in a gay sports bar?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
