she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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