This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
