He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
