NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
