When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
