i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
