Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
