I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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