Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize