im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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