WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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