What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
