I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
