im drinking this country out of the recession.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
