Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's rum buckets o'clock
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
