conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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