You just made me feel so damn special
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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