I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
