I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
