Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize