ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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