I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize