My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
