Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
