Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
420 ftw
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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