I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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