Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
