i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
