oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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