It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
