Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize