She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
