New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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