i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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