I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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