Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
