dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize