when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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