No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
