3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
