The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
