and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
