This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize