No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
