Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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