Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
