oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize